Yes, that’s actually the tagline of Claire Casey’s self help packet, “Capture His Heart and Make Him Love You Forever.” Introduced to the public by relationship “expert” Michael Fiore (listen to his almost comical intro that promises true love here), this online program is quickly becoming one of the most popular self-help products on the market.
The “course” is based on three premises that are guaranteed to capture his heart:
- Make sure a man knows you don’t need him. Claire teaches techniques to overcome neediness.
- Plant a “future seed” in a man’s mind without him even knowing it. Men don’t consider the future as much as women so Claire teaches you tricks to instill in his mind “thoughts of the future, or the future seed” without him even realizing what you’re doing.
- Make him think his desire to pursue you and make you commit is all his idea. Ultimatums don’t work. Claire teaches you how to change his thinking (again without him even knowing!) and have him chase after you, practically begging you to commit to him.
Besides revealing to the naïve female public that physical attractiveness is only 3rd on a man’s list of qualifications for finding a mate, what other techniques does Claire reveal in the program?
The Hunter Principal– how important that is to every man and how it must be handled properly.
The Gateway Technique– how to get a man to approach you and initiate the conversation.
The Lighthouse Method– how you can stand out in any room and have him focus entirely on you.
The Bigger Fish Technique– how to repel losers and players so they won’t even try to approach you.
10 Simple Questions– how to easily get the answers that will let you know if he is even worth your time.
Ok. I have to stop; I just can’t hold back my opinion any longer. Ladies, I know there are plenty of you out there who have relationship issues that leave you asking, “why the eff can’t I keep a man?” We’ve pretty much all been there at some point. And for those of you who can’t find support in friends and continually fail at keeping a man, I’m sure Claire’s advice might actually help you. After all, she makes some good points (points that I came to understand through trial & error very early in life but I’m not sure other girls are grasping the message so LISTEN UP):
- Men do not react well to drama and hysterical emotions (does anyone react well to that?). Learning how to calmly tell him how you feel, why and what you need him to do to fix it is SO IMPORTANT! Yelling, throwing things, crying non-stop, etc.; these things will only push him away.
- Men do not react well to situations in which they feel they have no control. No one reacts well to that but men in particular like making their own choices. That’s why ultimatums are never a good idea and “pushing” him into commitment will only lead to disaster.
- Self-affirmations are corny but helpful. Stickie notes on your mirror each morning to remind you of who you are and why you like yourself can help build confidence and self esteem. Believing in yourself and knowing/liking who you are are attractive traits to men.
- The fact that men are kind of scared of you and your emotions. Fear of rejection runs large in men, and why shouldn’t it? We have a lot of control and when you learn what that control is and how to harness it (and when NOT to harness it), your relationships might run smoother.
However, Claire also makes some pretty insulting comments about men. To begin with, the very title of her book is ridiculous and childish. “Planting ideas in his mind so he doesn’t even know it” makes men sound stupid and helpless. Believe me, men are NOT as dumb as women seem to think and while there are ways in which we can manipulate them, don’t think they don’t know what we’re doing OR aren’t manipulating us at the same time. Although I give her credit when she says men aren’t as complicated as we think or want them to be; that is definitely true.
Claire also does one thing that I think is dangerous and entirely unfair: using blanket statements. Saying things like, “all men picture you naked, regardless of a wedding ring on you or him; it’s just how they’re made,” is not ok in my mind. I commend Claire in her blunt approach to helping women (like a female version of Dan Savage); I think women need to be more honest with themselves and admit the mistakes they make in their lives, especially the ones involving men. But blanket statements are never fair and not always true either. It may FEEL true but what we feel isn’t always real. More importantly, when you’re trying to help people create stable, mature relationships with the opposite sex, you should not plant stereotypical ideas such as that before they even get started.
Like everything you read at any point in your life, including this blog, you must remember from what context this information is coming and how likely the statement is to be true. Claire can’t possibly know how all men picture a woman; that is a statement born from her own experience and beliefs. So take them as such and remember that you should be forming your own beliefs, not molding yourself into someone else’s.
Buy it. Read it. It will probably help you if you need some direction in your love life. Just remember to stay positive and don’t ever treat men as if they are entirely malleable figures in your newly empowered, feline claws. That’s just as insulting as a man thinking he has the right to dominate a woman, physically and emotionally, just because he can.